Published in IZE Magazine #10, February 2014.
Despite their obvious psychopathic, homicidal and/or plain bitchy tendencies, there are some baddies we just can’t help but root for. We’ll eat our popcorn and admire them through the safety of our TV screens – but if we ever met these rogues in real life, we’d be reaching for our pepper spray and doing a swift 180.
Gogo Yubari (Chiaki Kuriyama) in Kill Bill: Volume I
This mace-wielding maniac’s iconic fight sequence inspired a legion of costumed alter egos every Halloween. Sure, Kill Bill was jam-packed with kick-ass characters – Elle Driver, O-Ren Ishii, even The Bride herself – but there was something about Gogo’s snarky schoolgirl persona that we wished we could bring to class.
Nancy Downs (Fairuza Balk) in The Craft
Fairuza Balk and black lipstick were a package deal in the ‘90s. If Nancy’s kohl-rimmed glare didn’t kill a bitch/witch, her mastery of the occult would surely do the trick. Word of warning, boys: don’t break her stone-cold heart.
Regina George (Rachel McAdams) in Mean Girls
You’ll find the worst type of villain strutting around the lockers in-between class. As much as we may hate Miss George, who doesn’t daydream about ruling high school with a perfectly manicured iron fist? Flawless, manipulative and decked in pink (on Wednesdays), this is one Queen Bee who would eat Lorde alive.
Sylar (Zachary Quinto) in Heroes
This weirdo dissected the brains of America’s superhuman population to collect superpowers like Pokémon cards. Sylar began the series as an ominous silhouette with a baseball cap – but once his handsome identity was revealed, swooning audiences leapt headfirst to the dark side. After all, with those on-point eyebrows, he was more genetically gifted than any telekinetic hero could ever be.
Tate Langdon (Evan Peters) in American Horror Story: Murder House
Perhaps the most controversial of tumblr’s bad boy crushes is American Horror Story’s resident crazy. As his equally screwed-up mother so eloquently described, Tate was “a young man with the soul of a poet” (and the plaid wardrobe of Kurt Cobain). This Byronic Hero spent his time reading books about birds, making teary-eyed declarations of love and – spoiler alert – impregnating his girlfriend’s mother with the Antichrist. Drives girls wild.
Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt) in Fight Club
Tyler Durden is literally that defiant voice in your head telling you to eat the leftover pizza – only hotter, and Brad Pitt. Although not strictly a villain, he was the worst buddy poor Edward Norton could have (and did) imagine – destroying his apartment, his hand and any prospect of normalcy. Don’t expect a friendship bracelet anytime soon, Tyler. ♦